by Janet Perez Eckles

“The jury has reached its verdict,” the bailiff said. My heart beat faster and my hands grew sweaty. We had waited a whole year, praying for justice, and the time was finally here.

A year earlier, the phone had rung late at night. Moments later, our middle son Jeff raced into our bedroom shouting, “Joe’s been hurt!” We frantically pulled on clothes from the day before and rushed out the front door. We arrived at the hospital minutes after the ambulance, but we received only one small piece of information. “They’re working on him.”

This isn’t happening to us! I thought. A few moments later, we received the heart-wrenching news. Our 19-year old son had not survived multiple stab wounds. I crumpled under the weight of the news.

I wanted to shout, These things don’t happen to good boys!  Joe was the captain of his football team—popular, handsome, and witty. The light of my life had been snuffed out. Like a little boat in a violent storm, I was helplessly buffeted by winds of unbearable agony. But God’s Word became my anchor. “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) echoed in my heart over and over again. His promise resonated in my head: “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). It was God’s grace that sustained us during the excruciating pain of losing Joe.

Bitter Cold Absence

The year had crawled slowly by. My heart reviewed the seasons of memories: the “spring” of Joe’s vibrant personality, the “summer” of his warm hugs and “I love you Mom,” the “fall” of the changes from a small boy to a teenager, and finally the “winter” bringing with it the bitter cold of his absence.

At the trial of his attacker, each witness was called to relate his or her testimony. Help me, God, my heart cried out. I don’t know if I can bear one more detail of that dreadful night! But the torture continued. The medical examiner’s report of each of Joe’s 23 stab wounds reached my heart with almost the same force as they had entered Joe’s body.

 Then one day, it was time. The judge said to the jury, “Have you reached a verdict?”

 “We have,” the jury foreman replied.

I held my breath. The three counts were read, although I don’t recall the details of the charges. The only words my mind retained were, “Innocent on all counts.”

A gasp of horror burst from our side of the courtroom, sobbing and cries of relief from the other side. They were relieved at the acquittal; we were horrified at the injustice. The defendant had pled self-defense, and on that rationale was acquitted.

Picking up the Pieces

The process of picking up the pieces began all over again. The lash of injustice compounded the agony of losing Joe. Once again, the rough waters of anguish brutally tossed my world, seeming to leave me helpless. “This is impossible for me. Be my refuge!” I pleaded with God. And when I looked in His Word, I found, “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).

Weeks went by. Night after night, my husband took my hand and held me close. “You know,” he said one evening, “We don’t know if some day this man and our Joe might be in heaven together—worshiping our Lord.”

“I agree,” I said.

Though I readily agreed, the action to follow wouldn’t be easy. But as Christians, we are obligated to love our neighbors—all of them. In the past, we had extended love mostly because people “deserved it.” What we faced now was utterly different. 

It wasn’t logic or fear or nobility that prompted us to reach a decision to forgive our son’s killer. It was simply a need to see beyond our circumstances and to obey Jesus’ command to forgive. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?” Jesus asked. “Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them” (Luke 6:32).

Once we chose to forgive the man who had taken Joe’s life, our world changed. The darkness of our pain was dispelled as the morning sun erased the shadows of bitterness, anger, and resentment. As I look back, I see that forgiveness ushered into our lives the warmth of His peace and the calm to face each tomorrow with renewed joy.

Janet Perez Eckles, who is blind, is a regular Lifeglow columnist. Janet’s son Joe died on September 7, 2002. You can visit Janet’s blog at www.janetperezeckles.com.