by Jennifer Jill Schwirzer

My name is Simon. The name means “hearing.” I heard the call of Jesus after He healed me of leprosy. Truthfully, the physical disease symbolized the deeper spiritual disease from which Jesus also delivered me. I was guilty of clergy sexual abuse, a practice that fed on my Pharisaism like crustaceans feed on sewage (Luke 7:40-44; Mark 14:3-9).

A Double Life

Now a recovered offender, I can pinpoint how elements of my religious experience led to the double life I lived:

• Pride—We Pharisees warded off the encroachments of Roman culture, which threatened to rob the Jews of their identity. Because of this, people thought of us as heroes. Consequently, we became puffed up in our own conceits (John 12:43). Human praise affects the brain like an opiate, so when the praise died down we went in search of another fix: another contrived rule to impose (John 8:1-11).

• Legalism—We believed that we could save ourselves through compliance with the law. Therefore, we lowered God’s standard to fit human limitations (Mark 7:7-9). This is how legalism teamed up with disobedience and produced a scenario where we strained out gnats and swallowed camels (Matthew 23:24). And molested women. And then tried to have them stoned (John 8:1-11).

• Hypocrisy—High standards minus grace equals hypocrisy. Graceless religious leaders, pressured to be “good,” can only manufacture an appearance of holiness. Such double-living forces carnality into hiding, where it can flourish like anaerobic bacteria. We Pharisees helped each other hide, too. When one would get caught perpetrating, we would shuttle him off to another district.

My best-known victim was Mary Magdalene. Just a child when I met her, she blossomed into a stunning beauty before my eyes.

She called it an “affair,” and indeed it felt that way to her. But it was power rape, in spite of her spellbound consent.

He Knows!

At my house party—to celebrate my healing from leprosy—Jesus told a parable that revealed His knowledge of my guilt. Two debtors. One ten times more guilty.

I read Him perfectly: “Stop lording it over her. You’re the one who led her into sin!”

Suddenly I realized it: He knows!

I panicked, breaking into a sweat. How could He know—and yet spare me? Could it be that He was Isaiah’s prophetic sin-bearer after all? (Isaiah 53).

The weeks after my feast found me paralyzed. Gradually, like the dawn, my life returned. But it was never the same. In the place of pride, Jesus gave me contrition. Through the parable, Jesus confronted my sin discreetly. The goodness of God in not publicly rebuking me, even when I wanted a public rebuke for my victim, led me to repentance (Romans 2:4). In the place of legalism, He gave me the gospel. Christ’s righteousness supplanted my own self-righteousness, and ultimately led to obedience to all the commandments of God, including the command to be sexually pure. Jesus forgave my sin and cleansed me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Then He showed me how to walk without falling.

I noticed that Jesus never lusted, simply because He loved so much—so purely. Each woman, to Him, was a soul for whom He would die.

In the place of hypocrisy, He gave me honesty. I learned to put off pretension and admit my weakness and humanity. I learned to confess my faults to trusted accountability partners and then to seek the Lord with them for complete restoration (James 5:16).

If a Simon comes into your life, you will help him most by doing what he wants least. Tell the truth. It is not “tattle-taling” to reveal that a clergyman has taken advantage of a member of the flock. Tell Jesus what happened; then share it with a trusted counselor or friend. Do all you can to make sure the wrongdoer is confronted and removed from power. Thus you will be sparing future victims.

Lying to protect another person is still lying. Be tactfully, discreetly honest. You may lose friends for a time; the Pharisees may hate you. But you will have a clear conscience. And your honesty will set a precedent that a Pharisee like Simon can follow. 
***
Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness and Prevention Day is August 1, 2012.

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