by Jessica Dagen

Why is God letting me go through this? Is there a point?

That’s what I often thought during my seventh grade school year. Most people who know me think it was the worst year of my life, but I know better. Without that year, I would not be who I am today.

My name is Jessica and I am a fifteen-year-old MK (missionary kid) living in the Czech Republic. We moved here when I was four. Growing up in a foreign country, not knowing the language fluently, being naturally shy, and often feeling out of place didn’t result in a lot of friendships when I was younger. Besides that, the Czech Republic is the most atheistic nation in the world next to Estonia, so the only people I could consider friends thought Christianity was the dumbest thing on the planet. I felt like there was no hope for a close companion. Even in our small church’s youth group, most of the girls were older and didn’t seem to want me in their group. I spent most of my free time alone. If it wasn’t for my loving, encouraging parents and younger sister, I might have lost hope altogether.

Eager Anticipation

My sixth-grade year was very lonely, but I had the hope that the next school year would be better. We were moving to the States for a year. I was anticipating attending a Christian school, and thought it would be perfect having lots of Christian friends, attending Bible studies, and getting involved in after-school activities.

I had no idea, though, what living in America would be like. The longest I had ever been there since moving to the Czech Republic was four months. I had no idea what Abercrombie was or who Rihanna is. I had no idea how to relate to American kids.

We arrived in California two weeks before school started. We toured the school, met some of the teachers, and bought a brand-new backpack. I even bought some accessories for my very first locker. I was re-introduced to a girl from one of the churches that supports our family’s mission work. Her name was Bethany, and she would be in my class. This was going to be the best year of my life!

But I knew from the very first day at school that things were very different from the Czech schools. The kids dressed differently, acted differently, and even thought differently. Most of the kids at my new school seemed more concerned about pop culture and the latest clothing styles than their studies. Everything was different. I did not fit in, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I was doomed to be the class outcast: the weirdo of seventh grade.

War Zone

The insults hurt me deeply. One girl, Sunny,* said, “You’re so ugly. How can you stand to look at yourself in the mirror every day?” Not only did Bethany—from the church—not defend me, she sided with Sunny for the entire remainder of the year. It seemed things couldn’t have gone worse. What I expected to be a loving, Christ-centered environment turned out to be a competitive, judgmental war zone.

I had been taught all my life about God and Christianity, about His love and peace. Until this time in my life, however, He was just there, not really doing anything. But now I was broken. I was hungry and thirsty, and I thought that if God couldn’t help me now, no one could.

One day I opened my Bible, and Psalm 31 stared back at me. I knew that chapter was for me. “For I hear the slander of many; there is terror on every side; they conspire against me and plot to take my life” (verse 13). Yet, “In the shelter of your presence you hide [those who fear you] from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues . . .  You heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help” (verses 20 and 22, NIV).

I knew that not only were the words true, but that it was no coincidence my Bible fell open to this page. I devoured the passage and felt a hunger for more.
Through His words, God showed me that I am not alone, and that I have to trust in Him to make the best of my life. When I gave Him my whole heart—not just a chunk of it—my life opened up. He gave me joy for each new day. He helped me find a few friends from other classes at the school, and taught me how to let Him be my Best Friend.

He gave me many opportunities to live the idea of turning the other cheek. I took advantage of some opportunities, and some—I’m sorry to say—I didn’t. Life was still very hard—I still cried in bed a lot, and some of what the kids said still wounded me—but now my life had purpose.

Reason for the Pain

I knew God had a plan—that He had a reason for the pain and strife I was going through. I didn’t know what He was planning, but who am I to argue with the God of the Universe? I couldn’t see it then, but as I look back now, God shows me how He used me that year.

There were several students who came from different countries, and other kids whom nobody liked. I now realize that, with my experience living in a different culture and being a social outcast, I was the ideal person to be able to relate to them and come by their side.

One boy, Michael, from Korea, was very quiet. The kids often teased him about how he pronounced words and how he dressed. God gave me the courage to befriend him and counteract the insults with encouragement.

One of the highlights of the year was being on the praise team during chapel. There I met Molly. She was slightly overweight, and when kids would tease her she would explode in anger. I found that what she needed most was someone to listen and love her in spite of her differences.

I was grateful when seventh grade was over, but I wouldn’t realize how crucial the year’s experiences were until my family moved back overseas. I began eighth grade in another Czech town, and had to make new friends all over again. But in America I had learned how to stand up for myself; how to make a good, yet truthful impression; how to laugh at my mistakes—and I had overcome most of my shyness.

Hard-earned Rewards

Using these skills in relating with my peers, I had a very enjoyable eighth grade year. And not only did learning these skills help me in school, they keep enriching my life every day. Life has been much more rewarding; I have acted in my school’s plays and participated in other group activities. God has shown me how to be a better friend, and He has blessed me with close friends by whom I have been encouraged and strengthened.

Most importantly, He used my seventh-grade year to draw me closer to Him. I could never have imagined this relationship with Him two years ago. I am so glad I know Him like this now! That seventh-grade year was hard, but God used the bad for good.

James wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2, 3, NIV). I don’t pray for trials now, but when they come I know I don’t need to react with fear. I know that God has a purpose for whatever He brings into my life. I know He enriches my life through hardships.   

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*Names have been changed.

"Missionary Kid" Jessica Dagen lives in the Czech Republic.